If you find me I'll find you back
by forbrighterdays
Summary: Blair Waldorf is the one girl Nate Archibald has never and will never be able to let go, and she'll always be the only one. Companion to Even Though, Like Knives, We Lie.


The long awaited companion piece to Even Though, Like Knives, We Lie. You don't need to read it to understand what's going on in this story, but there are a few things that tie over. Find it here if you're interested. .net/s/5042165/1/Even_Though_Like_Knives_We_Lie  
Kay, enjoy. :D

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"So how were your classes?" He asks as he rips the last three buttons of her blouse right off the fabric because he can't be bothered with the tedious job of unbuttoning them himself.

"Fine," she replies, throwing him down onto the bed and straddling him, forcing her mouth on his to give him a few rough kisses. "How about your's?"

"I don't really know. Boring compared to this." He says truthfully, sliding his tongue in her mouth and running his fingers through her hair.

"Oh Nate," Blair giggles. "You are such a guy, did you know that?"

"Mmh." He groans in answer as he unclasps her bra and kisses and plays with her breasts.

"It's a shame Chuck doesn't leave the city more often, isn't it?" She purrs into his ear, slowly undoing his belt buckle and pulling his pants down roughly, past his hard erection. She loves that she can do this to him so easily, they've only been in each other's company for all of five minutes and she's already aroused him this much. She relishes the fact that she's certain she's the only one he's ever been with that can make him feel quite like she does.

"You have no fucking idea," Nate growls, grasping her panties from the fabric in between her legs and pulling them down.

"You know," she pants as he slides into her with gentle force, "I really look forward to our time together too."

"Really now?" he says between heavy breaths; he's pleased.

She doesn't get the chance to answer his question though, because suddenly he is thrusting himself into her with so much force that she is sure she will shatter. They pant and stratch and kiss every inch of one another as much as they can. After all the secret meetings they've been having recently, they have each other down perfectly, even more so than before. They always finish together, and this fact proves true once again when they are both climaxing at the same time. She holds him with as much force as her small body can handle and he continues planting gentle kisses all over her face while playing with her slightly sweaty and matted hair.

After it is over they take a few minutes to catch their collective breaths, him still playing with her hair while she lays restlessly across his chest and caresses his arm.

"Okay," Nate says, putting an end to the peaceful quiet. "Back to my question. Do you really enjoy getting to spend all these sweaty hours with me when we get the opportunity?"

"Of course," she winks, sliding off of his body to the spot on the bed beside him. She wraps her arms around his strong torso and kisses his neck softly a few times before finishing her answer. "Why else would I call you for this every time I got the chance to be free from the Bass?"

"I don't know, I just figured I offered more to you when it came to this stuff than _he_ did." Nate replies, refusing to use Chuck's name. They haven't been friends ever since Chuck had gotten back together with Blair, and Nate doesn't plan on repairing that friendship. It was no benefit to him anyway.

"Oh." She says, kissing his jaw again.

"You know, we fit together incredibly well," he informs her after a pause, kissing the top of her head.

"I know," Blair says, picking her head up and nodding it.

He laughs.

"Better than you and Chuck?"

She laughs, then sighs, taking a beat to answer..

"Better than me and Chuck." She confirms will a characteristic eye roll.

"Good," he says, swooping in to give her a gentle kiss on the lips. "I always knew we were a better match. A more suited one, if you will." He winks.

"Mmh." She replies, not having anything more to say.

They lay in the silence for a few minutes more, just enjoying each other's pressance, a thing they don't get to do very often at all anymore. Blair uses this time to count the number of breaths they take in a minute, taking note of how insynce they are most of time, while Nate uses it to think about how much he does miss her, and always will.

Suddenly, he pushes himself up and sits against the wall, leaning his head up to look at the revolving ceiling fan right above.

"Hey, what is it?" Blair asks as she watches him staring off into space.

"You know, I'm still waiting for you to get it." he murmurs with his eyes closed.

"Get what?" She questions.

"Get that I'm the only one for you." He says, bringing his head down to look her in the eye. "Each day that passes that you're with him I just get more and more upset. you should be with _me. _You should be living here and we should be doing this every day and every night, not just when Chuck's gone. I want to be with you again Blair, for good this time. I want you to be mine again."

She shakes her head. "Nate, you know I can't just do that to him, not now. It wouldn't be fair."

"Fair? Fair to Chuck?" Nate scoffs. "After everything he's put you through, after everything he's put _us _through; you still worry about hurting his feelings and being _unfair_?"

"Yes Nate, he used to be your best friend. I'm sorry I ever came between you, but I still can't do that to him. Not when it's for no reason other than to get back together with you."

"At least that's honest. At least it's the truth. He might hate me for it, and even you, but do you really think he wants to be strung around by you, thinking your relationship might have a future? He would get over it a lot quicker if you just left him now."

"_Nate_." She says wearily. They've had this conversation too many times before. "I still love him. I just enjoy having these secret moments with you."

"So I'm just a little tool to you, right? When Chuck isn't around to give you any you'll come to me because you know I'm always up for it; am I right or not?"

"Stop it." She snaps, suddenly getting angry at him. "You know you're so much more than that to me. That didn't come out right, it didn't sound the way I wanted it to. You mean so much more than just a hookup when Chuck isn't around. I look forward to his business trips because I know I'll get to spend my time with you."

"Yeah okay, Blair, I just don't understand why you pretend to love him so much when I know you still have to care about me. But it doesn't matter, I'm pretty used to not having you by now." He takes a breath, thinking the next words over in his head before deciding he has nothing to lose, so he takes the plunge. "Can you just answer one question for me though?"

"Anything." Is her reply.

"Do you still love me? If even a little, do you?"

She doesn't take a long dramatic pause like he expects her to, and she doesn't close her eyes with aggravation and sadness like she usually does when they start having serious conversations like this. Instead her answer comes as soon as he's posted the question, not even missing a beat.

"Absolutely. Of course I do." She swears solemnly.

"That's all I needed to hear." He smiles, pressing his lips against hers with gentle force. "I just don't understand why we can't be together again."

"Nate," she whispers again, the sadness evident in her voice. It's always like this. She should have known better by now than to call him when she's available, but she hasn't learnt yet. A part of her wants to be with him again so badly it hurts, so that part gets to indulge in the pleasure of spending time with him, alone and on his bed, every so often. But the other part of her isn't sure if she can handle another full time relationship with him. She'd been with him her whole life and loved him just as long, but he had screwed up one too many times for her to believe that he wouldn't ever do it again.

"Hey, sweetie, what is it?" He asks, trying to lighten the atmosphere by kissing her hair and rubbing her arm. He doesn't think it should be this complicated. She loves him. She just told him herself. Chuck was just an obstacle, something that kept getting stuck in the way time and time again, he was a reacurring character while he was the lead man; cutting him off the payroll shouldn't be a difficult thing at all.

"You know, I really hate it when you do this. _You_ gave _me _up, remember?"

"I didn't give you up. I let you go; there's a difference. And I only did it think that you'd come back to me. I thought that if I were to let you go and allow you to be free to do whatever you wanted to do for a while it would be better than losing you when you got tired of me and decided I was too boring for you."

"And I told you that that wasn't going to happen, but you didn't listen to me." She reminds him.

"You never know." He says, shrugging his shoulders. "It's a good thing I did let you go when I did though, or else you'd surely be leaving me for him. Looking at how you won't give him up now, it was only a matter of time."

"It's not like that. Really, I just... God I just don't know. I love you so much and you mean the world to me, but I don't know if I can trust you again, Nate, I really don't. I want to though, believe me, I do. But I don't want to be scared that you'll be scared about how much of a hold you have on me. I don't want to worry about you being insecure about us. If you really want me, and I mean for good this time, you have to be one hundred percent sure of what you're doing. I don't want to be a mistake."

"Blair, sweetheart, you'll _never _be my mistake, do you understand that?"

Blair smiles in spite of herself.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" He whispers into her hair.

She nods against his chest.

"On a less angsty note, can I have my pin back? That sweater isn't the same without it, and I really miss wearing it."

She picks her head up to look him in the eye.

"You still remember that?" She asks in a quiet voice.

"Of course I do." He laughs, shaking his head in amusement. "That has to be my favorite article of clothing. Ever."

"Awh, you're too sweet." She giggles.

"So can I have it back?" He says tenitively, not wanting to be too persistant, but still showing her that he really does want it back.

She sigh. "Well... duh. Oh Natie, no one else is deserving of my heart like you are, I'm just sorry I took it back last year, I really don't know what I was thinking."

"It's alright. I can't wait to be able to wear it again though, showing it off to everyone. You know." He winks.

"Nate!" She gasps, "you will not shove that in Chuck's face. This'll be over if you do."

"Okay, okay," he laughs. "I was just kidding anyways, don't freak out."

"Good," she smiles, thinking to herself that this would all be much easier if they could just be together, but for the time being, they can't, so they'll both have to deal. "Someday, you know. Everything will work out for us, either together or apart, we'll both be happy." She says, speaking her thoughts out loud.

"I know," he agrees, nodding his head. "I just wish it would happen sooner rather than later. I'll be with you though, when happiness does come. There's no one else out there for me, only you. At least I know I have that to look forward to when the world is ever set right."

"You seem pretty sure of yourself."

"I'm sure of you. And us. I'm sure of what we're meant to be, so yeah, I guess I'm pretty sure of myself too."

"You're cute," she sighs, kissing him on the nose, loving that this boy she has loved for so _so _long has finally become a man, and that he's a man that doesn't know everything he wants, but is sure of the big things. She glad that somehow, though all of the tremulous years that they have faced together, she still fits into this plan somehow.

"And you're perfect." He says, wrapping his arms tightly around her. He would never let go if he had the choice, but he knows their time is coming, so when she says she has to get back to her campus to do work or hang out with her roommate, he won't stop her. He'll still be here everytime Chuck is out of town, and next time he vowels he won't bring up a conversation that will be hard for her to deal with. From now on he will make it easy for her to be in his presence, easier than ever, because he knows she'll be his when she's ready. Blair Waldorf has always been a free spirit anyways.


End file.
